May 31, 2008 - 3:36 a.m.

Dear Diary,
It's 3:36 in the morning and I feel like I'm losing it and going insane. I'm this big ball of nerves and anxiousness that is making me feel sick to my stomach. I can't sleep. I'm not tired at this point and quite honestly I feel like leaving and going on a walk or run somewhere to clear my thoughts. What I altimately want is to be able to talk to Alicia at this point. Vent. Get things out. I can't right now. Not to anyone. At this point I just want to be able to throw up and get this feeling inside of me out and rid of. Of course, no one is on or even awake at this point and I'm just not sure what to do at this point. My hands are moving a million miles a minute here; shaking uncontrolably. I'm sitting here listening to two songs over and over again. The first of which is called Miracle by the Foo Fighters. The other,Never is a Promise by Fiona Apple. Both songs that I just came across in the last few weeks but seem to have a calming effect on me for whatever the reason may be. I don't know, but I'm giving it a shot. I sware, it almost seems like my heart-beat might actually jump right out of my chest. I am trying to post the lyrics of these songs on here but for whatever the reason is, I can't. It's pissing me off. Simple as that. I think I'm going to get out of here for a while. Go and walk up some stairs or something. We shall see.

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