November 06, 2005 - 3:10 p.m.

Dear Empty Soul,
Did you forget to take two aspirin before you fell into bed last night? This morning you may feel in a fog, but it should lift for you, STACY, around midday. You may be surprised by receiving some heartening news from a friend or relative regarding a difficult situation that is now being resolved. Enjoy the boost of energy that this good news will give you.
My horoscope fails today. I feel like shit. Mentally and emotionally. I feel like I'm slipping into this long, deep, never ending black hole that is sucking me in and there is nothing I can do to get out. I simply feel depressed. It's been a long time since I have seriously felt as bad as I do right now. I can honestly say that I had notions of cutting myself today and even saying that scares me. I don't know what's wrong anymore and can't pinpoint any one thing. I wake up most mornings and just want to curl back under the sheets where it's dark and quiet and I can be left alone with my thoughts. Does that not sound terrible? Even writing this myself, it's scary to me. I cried all throughout the church service this morning. I just felt sad; down; lost. Lost is a good way to describe things.
I came home from Greg's not long ago. Shut the door rather loud as I came in, threw my stuff down in a clump. Took my coat off and hung it up in the closet and closed the doors, stompted back over to my things and threw them up over my back and stompted up the stairs with tears forming in my eyes as I walked up to my room in which I threw myself to the floor and sat crying. Why should anyone have to go through this? Why me?
I've been thinking sooo much lately about the world around me and everything that takes place. Why do we wake each day? Why can't we stand in one place and have the world stop, if only for a second, just to make us understand? Why are we here to live if we are only going to die? I ask myself so many questions each day to try and make some kind of sense but nothing ever does. I just find that I'm asking more questions and getting no where.
This new Colplay CD that I got is so freaking amazing. The lyrics are incredible. Here are a few:
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are-Square One
What if there was no light
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there by your side
That you don’t want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there by your side
That you don’t want me there in your life-What If
If you ever feel like something's missing
Things you never understand
Little white shadows sparkle and glisten
Part of a system, a plan-White Shadows
When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse-Fix You
Are you lost or incomplete
Do you feel like a puzzle
You can’t find your missing piece
Tell me how you feel
Well, I feel like they’re talking in a language I don’t speak
And they’re talking it to me-Talk
You see the world in black and white
No color or light
You think you’ll never get it right
But you’re wrong, you might
The sky could fall, could fall on me
The parting of the sea
But you mean more, mean more to me
Than any color I can see-Low
There, I think that's all the lyrics that I'm going to add on here. I really do love this cd. You should all go out and buy it. I'm glad I did. It's making me feel some little bit better right now. That's all for now.
*love always stacy*

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