May 26, 2005 - 8:34 a.m.

Dear Diary,
Happiness reigns in the home as friends and family members gather for a long-awaited reunion, STACY. Or you could be hosting a gathering of friends and acquaintances interested in the arts, or in psychic or metaphysical matters. Discussions should be intense, but nonetheless fascinating. A young visitor could come up with some unexpected insights and revelations that blow everybody away. Write down whatever impresses you the most, and enjoy your evening.
I woke this morning thinking that I would feel better then what I had gone to bed as last night, but I didn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks that Greg was going out tonight with Paulett and I just felt worse. It occured to me last night as I was talking to Greg on msn within the last minute or two of our conversation that he was doing that. I had completely forgot. *sigh* I hate feeling like this but I'm not just going to sit here and lie or pretend that I'm feeling fine with everything and that I'll just get over it. Because the trust is that I'm not. It's like having this huge knot sitting right in the back of your throat preventing you from saying anything aloud. Greg didn't say much last night. I know he had a bad day again at work and when Doug didn't show up as he said that he was going to, I know that didn't impress him much either. You know, I realized, really realized that there is one thing that I hate more then anything in this world and that is when I say "I love you" to someone who is about to leave or say goodbye, I expect them to say it back. I realized that this is something very important to be as I'm always afraid that if I don't say it, something will happen to that person (something terrible or horrific) and I won't see them ever again so that would be the last words that I spoke to them. I mean, I wouldn't have just wanted my last words to that person to be "Good bye" or "Take care" It doesn't seem right to me when I care so deeply about a person. I said "Love you" Last night to Greg as we were leaving and he just said "Night night" to me...I felt part of my soul sink. What a day. What a way to start a day! At least I can get my frustrations out on here and be and say and write the things that I want. Who knows if I'll get the chance to talk with Greg tonight. I don't know what time he is going out or when he will be back or where they are going or anything. You know, as much as I realy care, I really don't want to care.
I have a busy day ahead of me. I've got to work on and complete in full all of the awards and scholarships that I picked up from the college a while back. Everything is due tomorrow out at the college by 4:00pm so first thing tomorrow morning dad and I are getting up, driving to Kitchener to Greg's mom's house so I can either print everything off on my printer there or, if Greg takes over his floppy hard drive thing for me tonight, pick that up, copy everything onto it from my laptop and then go to the college to print everything off there and get things handed in. At least I'll be back in Kitchener tomorrow for the weekend. I'm not sure if Greg has anything planned this weekend or if he want's to do something. He might be programming, I'm not sure though. I should likely call Jenn back and see what is happening with her computer and if we're gonna still head over to her place to work on it or not. We'll have to see what the weekend holds in store for us though and what shift Greg's dad is working or if he's going to see Wendy or not in St. Thomas.
I start work on Monday. I'm not looking forward to it. At least I'm making $12 instead of $10 like I was last year. And I'm not working on Heavy Duty or Radial Seel. Mom and I went out the other night for me to get some new work clothes since the ones I had last year got thrown out from the paint on them and burn holes from welding. We went to the optomotrist last night to have my eyes re-checked and my eyes have changed again so I need a new prescription. They are placing the new lenses in on monday so I'll have that taken care of and tonight we are likely going over to have specialied ear plugs made for me as I'm working in the Press department where it is ten times louder. Mom is hopefully picking up the card at work tonight for me to go and get them done later on today so that should be the last thing that needs to get done. Like I said, it's been busy and today is going to be one of thoughs busy ones. June finished my letter of reference last night for me and printed the two coppies off and placed them into an envelope for me and then signed the back of it on the seal. That's taken care of. I still haven't recieved the letter of reference from the daycare teacher so it had better be in the mail today or the work that I put into the one award will be useless.
However, I need to get up and get working on all of this stuff that keeps staring me in the eyes. Hopefully things will go ok later on today and especially with Greg going out. *tummy flips* I'm not so sure how my emotions will hold up though. Take care everyone and I'll write soon.
*love always stacy*

previous - next