May 05, 2005 - 9:48 p.m.

Dear Diary,
You may attend a party or other sort of group activity this evening, STACY. However, you and the man in your life could well leave it early in order to steal some time for some intimate conversation together. You should be looking and feeling great, and especially optimistic for your future, and for the future of your relationships. The future is looking extremely bright to you today.
I'm feeling extremely down tonight as I know that my time here is quickly coming to an end. It sucks that Greg and I can't spend more time together either. Greg took his mom out tonight for dinner for mother's day since his dad is working on Sunday (plus its his dads birthday) so they were out for some time tonight. Dad had wanted to pick me up early Saturday morning and I've been trying for the afternoon but who knows what will happen. It's going to be misserable for me to leave. I don't want to go. I'm scared and nervous and worried. I wonder what a psychiatrist would say to that? I ponder...speaking of which...I've been looking into some universities about going into the undergrad Social Work program which is three years and then getting my masters in Psychology. We'll see what happends. I emailed six different universities today just to get some information and do some comparing and dad told me that I got a package in the mail from the college today about the information that I was requesting from them. So that was good news to me.
The day has been pretty depressing for me. I spent the morning emailing universities and the afternoon doing some packing and cleaning up. I'm almost done though so that's a relief on it's own. If it were up to me though, I wouldn't be going anywhere. I'd be staying here. *scratches head* My headache is almost 100% completely gone which is nice. I feel horrible today about my body. It's so disgusting. I can't believe the shit I ate today. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I just want to throw everything up and suck all the fat out. Yuck, I feel gross. :( I'm sitting here now talking with Greg and watching Cruel Intentions. It's about the only good thing on tv right now so I'm watching it as I write. I've been trying to get a hold of Alicia for probably the last hour and still the phone line is busy so I've had no luck. :(
As far as tomorrow goes, Greg's mom and I are suppost to be going out to the college as she wants to get an Excel book and I need to pick up all of my marks as they are to be posted up tomorrow. I got my Development: Early Childhood To Adulthood mark back today as I had left a message yesterday with me teacher about a question for an award that I want to apply to so she told me my mark over the phone which was an 80. I'm not sure if I'm really totally thrilled with that but by the sounds of it, it seems like I may have one of the highest marks in the class. I am still worried though about recieving my scholarship this year. Greg just told me that he is sure that I will get it but I'm still concerned and worried. It's hard to keep your GPA in an A ranking. Well, all shall unfold tomorrow as I find everything out. If I apply to some of these awards I'm going to need to get a letter of recommendation so I need to choose a person that I want to write one for me. Anyways, I'm gonna try Alicia's number again and hopefully I'll get through soon. I should get some sleep though as I'll likely have to be up early tomorrow morning and I still have some more packing to do. Hope everyone is doing better then me! Take care and I'll write soon.
*love always stacy*

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