May 04, 2005 - 8:20 a.m.

Dear Diary,
You might feel that money is flowing out of your bank account all too quickly lately, and this might be a cause of worry for you. You might feel you've spent too much on decorations for your home, or on entertaining family and friends. Don't worry! You'll make up for it, and besides, you can't take it with you, you know. Watch your spending, STACY, but don't turn into a miser.
The past few weeks have been a true emotional rollercoaster. I was done school last Monday after writing two final tests and talking with one of my teachers about some of the college awards, scholarships and burseries and then I was on my way. So the past week and a half have been boring. I'm definately not used to being able to stay home all day and do whatever. Especially day time television. I hate it! It's just absolutely rediculous. The days seem long because I have nothing to do and I find myself spending more and more time on my laptop. I had begun to search for a job here in Kitchener as I had been expecting to stay here as my mom went on about how she believed Fram wasn't going to hire very many, if any students this year due to low production because of the dollar. I was looking forward to staying in Kitchener and even had two wonderful job offers here. One was for a day care teachers assistent and the other was for a day camp counsellor. Well, I was looking forward to taking the jobs and everything and I had phoned home on Sunday to try and talk to my parents about everything and that was a total waste of my time. Mom didn't even want to talk to me and just ended up handing the phone over to my dad who then told me that my mom had talked with him the night before and told him that I got hired on at Fram for the summer. So unfortunately I have three more days until I have to go home. Initially dad was suppost to have been coming down to get me on Thursday however Greg wanted me to see if I could stay until Saturday. I sweet talked dad and came up with the excuse that my marks at the college would be posted on Friday so it only made sense to come down on Saturday to get me. I'm only hoping that my mom doesn't come down with my dad to get me. I'm scared to go home and I worry like there is no tomorrow. My mom and I do sooo much better when we are living in two seperate places. That way we don't fight and argue with one another. I'm trying to take Greg's advice and look at all of the positives that come along with going home this summer but it's so hard it seems. Greg says that I have look forward to going home for the last time as my parents are in the process of selling the house, I won't be back there next year as we have plans of our own, Shauna is coming home for the summer and I will get to see her as we have already made some plans for the beach and outtings, I'll be making lots of money andI have already stated to dad that I am done work on the 30th of July to go to Utah until the 21st of August to spend time with Alicia and the baby. It's still very overwhelming though and very emotional for me to handle. I find myself breaking down in the middle of the day and just crying or my mind will start to wonder about everything and I'll start to cry. I'm still upset and I realize that it's going to take me some time to get used to going back home and having to work at such a terrible place yet again. It doesn't help that my parents are in the process of selling the house and looking for a new home. According to my brother, apparently there are few other very serious couple that are very interested in the house. That alone is something that I'm not comfortable with and can't fully understand and then with everything els on top of it, it just makes it frustrating and emotional. I've not had to begin getting things together and starting to pack up the stuff that I want to take with me. I've also got to do some laundry up later on today and begin to plan what is coming home with me for that. I have one small box of some things such as some books, cds, and movies. I've really got to start getting everything else ready though.
On another note, Alicia and I talked at the end of last week and the due date of the baby has yet again been extended until August 5th as it looks like the baby is about two weeks behind in growing. Everything seems to be fine though and they aren't concerned. I told Alicia that it doesn't surprise me as she herself was very tiny to begin with when she got pregnant so I would expect the baby to be a little bit smaller then usual. I've got to get a hold of her either tonight or tomorrow night to let her know that I am heading back home and that is where she will be able to contact me if she needs to.
I talked to Miranda (of all people) yesterday about the program that she is in in University and we talked about the length of the program and what I should be doing once I'm done next year. I thought that she was in the psychology program but she is actually in the social work program in Toronto. Her advice to me is to take the undergrad program in social work which will be three years (If I go for one additional year to make it four years, the I will have my degree in social work) and then after the three years I could go right into psychology for my masters. So I emailed both the University of Waterloo and the college to see if they could send me some information on everything back home. As far as I know, I need to make some decisions by December. I talked to Greg about it and I think he was ok with the idea as he knows that this is something that I want to do but he is concerned about the cost. Just as I am myself. Hopefully I'll be able to get a lot more information on everything and make up my mind. Who knows, I might not even get into the program so I shouldn't worry too much about it right now until I know more about it. Anyways, I should get going now and start some laundry and packing and maybe acually do something productive with my day. It shall be interesting. Wish me the best of luck and support as I move back home and deal with everything that will take place there.
*love always stacy*

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