February 10, 2005 - 6:07 p.m.

Dear Diary,
Things may be cropping up today that serve as reminders that we are not perfect. Don't take people's criticism so hard, STACY. Realize that they are making comments about your behavior and not about you personally. Do not judge other people's actions. Live and let live. People may be stubborn today. Be careful that you aren't subconsciously trying to manipulate other people's actions. It won't work, and it is not nice.
I just got home from the daycare approximately fifteen minutes ago and I'm so royally pissed off right now that I almost feel like cutting and that hasn't even entered into my mind in probably the last three or more years. I'm just so upset and hurt right now. I was at the daycare today and I had to come in early from outside to do up the snack dishes. I ended up finishing up early and the children still were not yet in so I took a quick peak at my evaluation that I am suppost to be returned and discussed with me tomorrow and quite frankly I was shocked and rather upset. I plan to tell Chris that tomorrow when she speaks with me about it. I didn't at all expect to have any one's on there let alone a few of them. I plan to pleed my case and prove to her things that she may not have been able to view since she was only around for a short period of time to observe me before leaving on holidays. Whether or not my plan works, I really cannot tell the outcome of things but I shall try my best. I'm just hurt right now. How the hell do the expect me to do my best when there are two other student teachers in the same room as well as two qualified teachers with only 7-10 children?! That's insane. *SIGH* I wish I could change all this. Hopefully I will get Chris to change her mind for some of the things. I wonder though. I knew that my intuition at the beginning was right and that I just didn't have a great feeling about her. Why I didn't follow through with it though, I really can't say. I should have talked with Cathy at the beginning and told her how I was feeling although I just wasn't sure and wanted to wait it out to see how things would turn out before I turned to someone else for their help. I feel like shit...
Greg and I were suppost to get together tonight and spend time with one another and he hasn't called me. I'm not calling either. I don't even want to pick up the phone. He can call me. I'll talk once I receive a phone call. I don't think I'm eating tonight either now. Roberta just called from work and she's not coming home for a while and has decided that she isn't going to Church tonight for choir practise so has told everyone to make something for themselves although I don't think I will. I could use I night of not eating anyways. I feel fat. Time to lose all this dissgusting weight.
Man what a night!! How much worse could it get?
*love always stacy*

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