December 17, 2004 - 2:48 p.m.

Dear Diary,
Your financial situation looks particularly good right now. An increase in income might be coming your way, STACY. The downside is likely to be that contracts might be involved, and you'll have to spend a lot of time perusing boring legal documents that need to be executed. A lot of visitors could come to your home tonight, probably to exchange ideas and information. Send them home before too late an hour, however. You'll want to get to sleep!
I've been trying to keep possitive today and think about all the happy things in my life and how I feel and listen to my heart today but nothing seems to really work. I can take my mind off of everything for a little while but then as soon as I stop what I am doing, my mind races back and my heart begins to hurt again. I miss Greg. I hate us fighting like this. Hopefully things will be back to normal tonight. I really hope so. I can't stop thinking about things and went to bed last night angry and very upset. I woke up pretty much the same way I went to bed too. I miss Greg and just want things to go back to the way they used to be when we first started dating...
I've tried everything today to get my mind to stop thinking about things. I played games on the net this morning, watched Saved By The Bell, talked to my dad, sat around in comfy p.j's, wrapped all my Christmas presents for everyone while listening to a Carpenters Christmas album, talked to my granny to see what she was up to and sat with Banditt for a while. Then I went to get the mail and I got a card from my parents and as soon as I finished reading the last part I broke down into tears. I sat at the table with my head in my hands and had tears streaming down my flushed cheeks. It killed me to read what they had to say. Banditt even came to see what was the matter and climbed right onto the table to lick my tears away for me. When I talked to granny, she said that I didn't seem happy with things and asked if there was something the matter. She knows when things are up. I just told her that its hard now living here, away from home and having to do everything for yourself and then the work that comes with college. She sighed and said she understood but that everyone goes through this at some point or another. She also said that as terrible as I might be feeling now, things will get better and that I've just got to take things one step at a time. That I have to start somewhere and this is good for me. Some good advice I guess. My heart still hurts though. I just want to feel the warmth from Greg and be stuggled into him with his arms around me and his chin leaning onto my forhead. *sigh* Maybe tonight.
I'm not dressed yet and Gary will be home from school in half an hour. Who knows, I may not even be dressed by then. I'm going to do some cleaning on my room in hopes of distracting my mind again for at least a little while. Have a great day everyone.
*love always stacy*

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