December 16, 2004 - 10:45 p.m.

Dear Diary,
Have you been subject to some conflicts lately? Are you beginning to think domestic bliss isn't so blissful? Well, the day ahead is likely to restore your faith, STACY. Lately, it's as though your energy had been caged up and pacing back and forth, unable to find a satisfactory outlet. Today, you'll see the gates swing open slightly, enabling you to forget your nervousness and begin to think of the future.
I'm not in the best of spirits right now. Greg and I are in a fight and I'm upset about things. I feel terrible. He won't talk to me though. I've tried, believe me I've tried to talk with him and nothing. I didn't even get a hug or anything tonight when I was leaving. I don't feel loved right now. What a feeling. *sigh* The last two days have been odd. I phoned him last night and he seemed upset although told me he wasn't. I'm not so sure though. Something didn't seem right. The same with tonight. I feel like everything I do isn't good enough; like nothing matters anymore and the harder I try, the harder I fall with no one there to catch me. This feeling is heart-renching. It's tearing me up inside. I just want things to be like they used to be...
I finsihed school yesterday! Well, not exactly completely finished but finished the first semester at least. Now just three more to go and I will be a College Graduate! :) It's so far away though that it doesn't even look realistic just yet. We just got home from a concert that Gary sang in. It was rather good and Gary sang like a pro with no problems. He was impressive I must say. As far as my first day off of school was though, I slept in this morning, then had a long peaceful hot shower and went out shopping the rest of the day with Jen. Geez, I didn't even get home tonight until 6:15pm, was in the door long enough to go for a pee, make a phone call and then I was back out the door. And as I just said, I just got back home. It's been a long day. Surprisingly though, I'm not tired just yet. Guess I thought that I would type something out in hopes of feeling a little better then what I do and to get out some energy before heading to bed.
I called dad today to talk. I miss him. It's really hard sometimes now that I don't see him for weeks on end since I'm no longer living at home. I think it's a two way road though and he would say the same. *sigh* I'm still not sure when I'm going home for Christmas. I havn't yet decided between Monday or Tuesday. I guess I'll have to see what the rest of the week holds for me. Yuck, my stomach is in such knots right now that I almost feel sick. I hate this feeling so mcuh. It kills me inside not talking with Greg or being with him and having us fight like this. My heart hurts...
*love always stacy*

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