March 04, 2004 - 4:11 p.m.

Dear Diary,

You may be locking yourself into a cage if you are not careful, STACY. Make sure you have an escape route planned out. Try not to jump to conclusions too quickly. You might get the feeling like you are being boxed in. This constriction is apt to make you spring into action without really considering all the options. Don't jump the gun. Be patient and wait until the tension is released, and then take another step forward.

Its been a rather nice past couple of weeks and overall I'm quite pleased with everything that has been going on. We're finally into March...seems like so much is going to be happening now. My job taking care of the children is coming to an end next week on Monday, I have the college open house tour this Saturday which my parents, Greg and Tarry are all coming along to with me, On the 29th it will be Greg and mines first year anniversary together, and then on the 31st acceptance letters for the college go out in the mail. Its enough to keep me busy, but happy. This year is strolling on by so fast though and I often think about writing up a count down calender to keep track of how many more days it will be until I'm no longer at home and I'm out on my own, away from my parents, doing things for me and experiancing life for myself. It will be nice to be able to spend more time with Greg then as well as our time is so limited now with me here and him there and school getting in the way and such. Our time together now though is precious to me and will only continue to play that factor as things progress and I'm finally there with him. As for the last couple of weeks where I havn't wrote, I've really had the chance to take some time out for myself and discover a few things about myself that I can honestly say that I was never quite aware of. Things that I now know I need and want and where I want to be in life. Things that I know I need to receive from others and things that I as a person have to give and show back to them. I picked up a new book the other day while I was out walking around up town that I think will continue to help me look at who I am and who others really are and what is important to me and in my life. Continue to bring forth to me options and solutions that are going to help me progress in my soul searching period. I still have not gone in to get some counseling about the many issues that I need to face at this point, especially the things that are happening at home. I still can't seem to bring myself to do it. I'm still not sure why. This is one of thoughs things that I believe may take time for me to figure out and to understand "why?". I think it may be something that no one but myself knows but its so deep inside of me that I need to deal with the surface issues first and then begin to face the deeper problems later on. I still go back and forth though and know that one of these days I will eventually get the courage and strength to call and meet with someone to help me deal with everything that needs to be faced and come forth. I often think that its almost as if I need someone there with me to push me on but then later I think the oposit because this is my problem. I'm never completely sure though. Maybe it will be something that will pursist and keep me thinking about. Its nice to know though that Spring is on it's way. I think it's really helping me and taking away some of the winter depression that I often feel. I'm looking forward to this especially. I think that if I had more money this year and wasn't so tight for saving up for the fee that college is going to throw at me this year that I'd try and get away for a little while. Take the train somewhere for a few days to unwind and relax. It is a nice thought but something that can neither be afforded money or time wise. It is something though that one day will take place. When the time is right and when it's most needed...In the past week I have begun talking with my cousin Sheylene and my Uncle John some. Sheylene more then anything. This has been something that hasn't taken place for some great deal of time and which really feels right to me. Sheylene is likely by alltime best cousin and speaking to her more frequently will be a change for the better. It brings back all the wonderful memories of a few years ago when I was out East and really enjoying life. I've got to get back out there some day and spend more time with everyone out there. Maybe Uncle John and Aunt Linda can work something out for me. They're good with that kinda thing. ;) As far as everything else is going though, things are going better and more enjoyable for me. There has still been no word yet from Alicia which is rather dissapointing but I'm sure that she's somewhere out there doing ok and getting her life figured out....Take care sweetie, for me.

Take care everyone!

*love always stacy*

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