October 22, 2003 - 10:20 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Dear STACY,

The extreme passion that rules you may be met with opposition today as more information is brought into the picture, STACY. Communication may color the scene a bit differently than you had pictured in your head. Be patient and wait for all the spaces to fill in before you make any decisions on how to proceed next. What is usually quite malleable and easy to affect may be a bit stubborn and rigid.

Its been over a week now since I wrote. 12 days to be exact and I know I'm way behind in everything. Frankly, I need to get everything together and get back on track with things. I'm behind big time in my online course and talked to my teacher about it all yesterday. It seemed like I had about 100 questions that I had to ask her and she sat through it all and answered everything for me which is good so that now I can begin getting back to doing work on my course. I'm only on module 4 when really I should and want to be on about module 6. Its my own fault though. To make up for lost time, I should let you know that I was back in the hospital last Tuesday and things at first were really shaky. When the time came to leave, I wasn't able to walk and mom this time got the joy of wheeling me out in the wheel chair. Everything has been better though this time for treatment and I managed to be able to walk better this time around so that on Wednesday I was actually able to get outside for a little while. Slow walking mind you but it was nice. Compare that to the first round of treatment where I wasn't able to go out for nearly a week. Things have been alright. I go back to the doctors on Friday this week for a check up so he can monitor how my progress is coming along. Hopefully this will be it.

In all honesty, I can't remember what was on my last entry but I might as well mention that Greg seemed to have a good birthday which was on the 11th and thanked me for the gifts that I got him. I was glad that he liked it. Thanksgiving around our house was horrible. Everyone was in a fight and was screaming by the end of the night to the point where they were crying. All around horrible. I havn't talked to my brother or Carolann since then although I have now tried to call 2-3 times. I'm convinced that when the go to get the phone they see that its our house calling and don't pick up because they have call display. I've even tried my brothers cell phone and nothing. So much for a family these days...My birthday as of today now is only 5 days away. I should be excited, but I'm not. All I ask though is that I have a good birthday this year. The last two years have SUCKED so if things are shitty this year I won't be happy. I just want one birthday for a change that is really really good. Somehow though, I don't see it happening. Not after everything that happened at Thanksgiving. We'll see though. Halloween is coming up too and it kind of makes me sad. Its almost as if I want to get all dressed up and go running from door to door. Not that I actually would but its just the memory factor. I had a dream the other night where I had decorated the front of the house really really amazingly for Halloween and everyone loved it. I wouldn't mind doing that this year but I can find any Halloween stuff in the closet and I'm not going out to by it. Kirk and I used to loved decorating the house when we were little for any holiday. Its been so long since we did though. I miss the excitement of that. I miss having a brother.

I'm suppost to be cleaning the house today. Its Wednesday so I decided to do half of it today. The dusting today, the vaccuming tomorrow. I'm in no mood to do it though and have taken every route to avoiding it. I did however manage to get some done. I'll do more after I'm done here and by the time mom gets home from work tonight, it will be done. I'm not thrilled though, as I'm sure you could tell. Oh, before I forget, Tarry and I were out at the mall yesterday and I went into the one pet store that I never go into just to see what they had and I saw a bulliton board for animals for sale. One article said for a Free curly haired young guinea pig to a good home with a pen. So I coppied everything down and when I got home, I called. The lady said that it is a male and hes only 8 months old. There was a homade cage that was with him but she sold that already and now there is another brand new cage which she paid $85 for. She said that she would be willing to get rid of that too but would be asking for some money so when I asked for how much, she said "$40". Wonderful! :) I really want to ask dad about it to see if he'll let me but mom said the other nihgt "you aren't getting any more animals until once you move out." so I'm not sure what dad will say. Maybe though (and I talked to Tarry about it first) was that I could go over to the lady's house, pay for it and then have Tarry take it to his place for me until monday and then bring it over for me to make it look as if it was a birthday present from him. Maybe that way mom and dad will let me keep the little guy. :) Animals are the best! I don't know what I'm going to do yet though. I'm sure he would have a nice home here though and the bunny would keep him company. hehehe. Well, I should get back to cleaning. Bye guys.

*love always stacy*

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