September 04, 2003 - 8:29 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Dear STACY,

Troubles within the family may have you toying with the idea of making a move, or at least making some changes within your household. Someone close to you has not been totally honest with you, STACY, and that also has you feeling a bit down. Kick around as many ideas as you can, but don't make any definite decisions today. It's not the time. Wait until you're in a more positive and optimistic state of mind.

My horoscope has proved everything right in saying that there has been troubles within the family. Grrr, I swear I just can't take it here much longer and if I had it my way where I would have somewhere to go with some money saved up, I wouldn't be here anymore. My life seems so out of control and out of hand when I'm here and its like an ongoing struggle that I can't manage to escape from. Yesterday I was up bright and early yet again and immediately started on the cleaning throughout the house. Dad left which was nice so I could just work on getting things done without being distracted and ment that I could turn up the music without being yelled at for that. By the time that he had returned home I had managed to get ALL of the dusting done in the intire house which around here is a lot when you are repeatedly told that you have to pick everything up and dust it, dust under it, dust pictures hanging on the walls, toilets, sinks, bathtubs, oh how the list goes on. Plus I had managed to get the front room (the living room) all vaccumed before he got home. I got the rest of the intire house vaccumed (including the couches) and then asked dad if he would take the front doors off the stove for me since mom yelled at me the night before that I was to clean the intire stove for yesterday. That took me early half an hour just to do that and then when I thought that I was all done and asked dad to place the doors back on, he said that I needed to clean the doors first and so I did. Then he came back out checked everything over and placed the doors back on. I sat with dad for the remaining part of the morning before he had to leave at 10:30am for work and then saw him off at the door. After he was gone I went and began to work on cleaning up my room more. I realized around 1:00 that I was beginning to get a little hungry so I went and just had some left over cut up potatoes that were sitting in the fridge and then had my shower right afterwards. I got out of the shower at 2:00 and then got dressed and ready and sat down to watch a little tv before mom got home from work. As son as she got in she pissed me right off to the point that I really thought that I would have snapped and did something that I could have possibly regreted, such as cutting...which I havn't even thought about for at least a year and a half, if not two. Thats how absolutely upset I was at her. The first thing she said to me when she got in the door was "Did you clean the stove today like I asked you to?" and I said yes and then proceeded to tell her that I got all the dusting and vaccuming done throughout the entire house as well. "Oh, well you might as well go and get the vaccume back out and begin again on the bathroom and kitchen floors because the floors need washed" was all she had to say. I got upset and had a cup in my hand so I through it into the sink in front of me. So then I got mom upset and she shot back at me "well if your going to act like that, then you might as well do both the vaccuming and then mop the floors." I went stomping off into the computer room as she was yelling and didn't say a word to her. Soon afterwards I was being screamed at to go and get the vaccume and begin on the floors. At least I didn't have to go and do the mopping as well. That would have really pissed me off. And at that point I was just about ready to go and throw a kitchen plate. Later on last night I was sitting there having my dinner around 8:00 and finally she came in and said, "get off your ass and come do the dishes. Plus you have the garbage to get together and then after that you can go and get the recycling from downstairs, bring it up and take it right outside" I got all that done and then as I was going outside to take the recycling out she yelled that I had to go and take the garbage pails out to the front from the back as well. I clearly heard her but ignored every word of hers. I found out this morning however that she forgot to buy garbage tags so the garbage couldn't go out anyways. I was so upset last night. I wonder what will happen tonight.

Other then last night, Monday was spent wth Greg and I had a good day with him. He came down to my place for the day seeing as how gas prices are rediculously outragous. We didn't do a whole lot because of the weather and they were threatening rain all afternoon so we went on a short walk when he first got to my place and then later on we went for another walk after dinner to get me out of the house because I was upset with mom and he was trying to bring me out of it, which of course he did. :) We saw the most amazing sunset while we went out as well and we were going to go and sit to watch it lower but it was a fast moving one and by the time we went to go and sit, it had already lowered too much to even see it anymore. I really wish that I had brought my camera though because it was beautiful! Breathtaking. Greg left at 10:00pm and I was in bed shortly afterwards.

School started up on Tuesday which is a little weird for me seeing as how I am not returning. I've bee up all this week really early though which is annoying but you learn to live with it. I have to call the school soon to figure out whats all going on with my online course. Who knows now. I havn't heard anything so I'll be interested in hearing what all it is that they will have to tell me about it. I've really got to keep looking for my publishing book as well. Its got to be somwehere in my room but who knows where. I keep looking but it hasn't appeared for some time. As soon as I find it though I will have to keep searching for a good publisher and begin with all my plans that I have.

I finally gave in and called the cops the other night on out next door neighbours. I got fed up with the bullshit that they are trying to get away with and went to go tell my granny and mom that someone should be calling someone on them and mom told me that I could if I wanted to. "You know the number, go and call" she said to me. So I did. I watched her deliberately take the leash where the dog was tied up to, rap it around the dogs neck and pick it straight off the ground like that and onto her front portch yelling and screaming at the dog and the kids so I was pissed off at that and called the cops. Shortly afterwards the cops showed up and I watched from inside the house, the cop get out of his car and go and talk to her. I havn't seen the dog outside though for quite some time so I wonder if the police officer took the dog. I doubt it. It makes me so very upset though at how peopel think they can just treat their animals any way that they want to and don't give a damn if they hurt them. Its disgusting and makes my stomach turn when you hear about it. At least I did something about it. And I'll do it again it I have to. Poor dog should be sent to a home where they will love and care for it and not be hurt. Hopefully she has learnt her lesson.

Well, thats all for now, I'll write again soon. Oh I forgot to mention as well that I go into the doctor on Friday (tomorrow) and I'm scared shitless at what will happen. I'm almost possitive that I will be going into the hospital but I'm not sure if he will send me that day or what. I'm hoping that if he is sending me in that I can postpone it until Monday. Lets hope everything goes ok and that I won't have to go to the hospital. :(

*love always stacy*

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