August 18, 2003 - 8:53 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Dear STACY,

As a Scorpio, STACY, yours is an intense nature. You probably feel things deeply and spend a good deal of time lost in thought. Yet, too much intensity can take a toll on your health and well-being, and it might be high time you got out and enjoyed yourself. Get up from your chair today and take a walk. Meet someone for lunch, or do a little shopping. Find something active to do to break the monotony of your daily routine.

Just the other day, I recieved a rather interesting email from one of my groups that really caught my attention and of which I have hung on to for since I received it so I could post it in here for everyone else to view. So here it is: Stamps- 1/10 calorie per stamp

Motrin- 0

Asprin- less than 1 cal. per tablet

Crest Toothpaste- 12 calories per brushing

Sperm- 1-5 cals per teaspoon

Lipgloss- "negligable" (though a woman comsumes over 9 pounds of it

over the course of her lifetime)

This just took my breath away when I got it. For years since I first became ana, I was very currious as to what stamps and toothpaste had in them for calories and now I know! Can you imagine taking in that maybe calories every year?! I'm starting to believe that now someone should invent a "calorie-free" toothpaste. Stamps, mah, there are ways around stamps but toothpaste?! I already knew about sperm and that doesn't bother me because I know the whole process and what not. Lipgloss is really suprising as well. A whole 9 pounds throughout your liftime! Damn. Anyways, I plan to post this in my old ana book. I'll have to go and dig it out and stick it in there seeing as how I havn't looked at it for some time and I'm sure I have forgoten a lot of the things that are in there. Almost a whole book full of all my wonderful things.

Thursday afternoon at 4:10pm our power here went out. The big "power outage" which caused part of the US and Canada to lose their power for a great deal of time and left everyone sitting in the dark. They declaired it a "State Of Emergency" and are now calling it "Black Out 2003" on the news whenever they have anything to say about it. Apparently we could be having power outages for this whole week because as of today, everyone will be re-opening up their business's and everyone will be wanting to turn everything back on such as their air conditioners so things will just make the power sky rocket which means that they will just cut power off so we don't reach the maxamum or anything like that. Lets hope little town Stratford's here isn't. It was piecefull with it off though. Perhaps a little boring but very pieceful. Our power came back on that night around 9:30pm and then on friday, I was sitting on the computer waiting for Greg to come and pick me up in the morning (around 9:45) when all of a sudden the computer clicked off and nothing worked. I gave Jennifer a call down the street and her's was off as well so I knew the power had been off again here but didn't know where else it would have been. Greg came and got me and back at his place everything seemed to be ok. Lights were still running and people were their normal self's. Everyone was trying to fill up on gas though and get to the bank to get money out so that was hecktic. Later that day we were watching a movie at Greg's and the power went off there as well so we decided to take a walk and just over an hour later of getting home, the power came back on. lol, we were about to take a shower together in the dark with only a candle going but then the power came on.

Saturday, my parents, granny and I all took a drive to the beach and dad and I got to basically go on by ourselfs because mom stayed back with granny since it was too hot for her and too long of a walk. So dad and I went all the way down the pier and back to where granny and mom were sitting so we could take our shoes and socks off and then told them to meet us way down at the other end because we were going to walk all the way down. Dad and I started to walk along the side of the water on the sand just enough so we could feel the water hitting our feet but then had to move up to the board walk because there were too many sharp rocks along the side that hurt to walk along. We were about half walk down and I convinced dad to walk out along some huge rocks that led out into the water which was really nice. There was this wonderful breeze and not a cloud in the sky and you could see water out there for miles apon miles. We walked back onto the board walk afterwards though and continued on down until we found granny and mom sititng there waiting for us. There was this older mad (likely in his 50's) with this huge kite that had at least 20 different strings on the underside of it to hold it all up and support it from the wind and he asked if we could give him a hand to hold it while he went to the other end to get the handels. The wind was getting stronger though and the kite was so big that it was pulling my feet right up and off of the ground so eventually I just had to let go and there it went high over head into the sky. We watched until it finally dropped down and into the water and then we decided to leave and drive on to the next beach (Bayfield) where my uncle lives but we just kept on going until the next beach (Grand Bend) where we parked the car and again dad and I went our own way and mom and granny went theirs. Dad and I walked back and forth along the rows of stores and watched a few people in the batting cages and then decided to go and wait for granny and mom to show up but after a while there was no sign of them so we went and checked in the car and thats where they had been for the whole time. After that, we just decided to head on home and get dinner started. Even granny stayed for dinner which she hasn't done for quite a while now.

Yesterday, Greg came over for the day and we first took a walk up town and down by the river and then over to 7-11 so we could get squishies so we would have something cold to drink down along the river as we walked. There was a lot of people walking around the river yesterday even though it was a Sunday afternoon. We walked over to the island and sat down watching people cannoe and pattle boat and the headed back the way we came and went to go and get a movie. We got out movie (Ringu) and walked back to my place to watch it and then went in swimmingup until dinner was ready. We ate dinner and then did dishes and back in swimming we went. Oh! and I forgot to mention that all that while, dad was out and when he got home and brought me home and electric guitar and amp from my cousin Adam. I'm suppost to be giving him $100 for it though but maybe dad will for me. It needs a few things done to it but once I get the repair work done on it, it will be all up and running and I can play it! Greg and I swam under the stars with just the back lights on until 9:30 when we got out and went to the grocery store. We came back and layed on the couch together until 11:30 when he decided it was time to leave because we were both falling asleep and he still had to drive home. Once he left I went and crawled into bed and feel asleep.

Now, as far as today goes...I'm suppost to be calling the doctor and I should have called over 30 minutes ago but I can't bring myself to do it let. Even the very thought of it is making my stomach turn. I'm so scared. I know that my doctor will send me to the hospital and thats not what I want. Moms making me call though and I know that if I don't, she'll be really pissed off at me. Oh, what to do? Maybe I'll just wait a little longer and call around noon time. Perhaps a little later. Dad's not home so I can't even get him to call for me this time. Ah damn. This really sucks. I really don't want to go to the doctors or more importantly to the hospital. I'm just so scared.

So even though I've had a great weekend, I'm scared shitless now of what this week and next will bring with the doctor and potential of the hospital. :( I'll keep everyone updated.

*love always stacy*

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